Reasons that woman is not smiling at you, a man who is about to tell her to smile:

  1. She is tired
  2. She is hot
  3. She is cold
  4. She is hungry
  5. She is way full and can’t breathe
  6. She ate candy for breakfast and is sugar crashing, hard
  7. Her feet hurt
  8. She got fired from her job ten minutes ago
  9. Someone congratulated her on her pregnancy; she is not pregnant
  10. No one complimented her on her eyeliner today even though it’s perfect
  11. Toe cramp
  12. Mud-butt
  13. She’s gay
  14. Someone assumed she and the only other Black woman at work are related
  15. She and the only other Black woman at work ARE related, but they don’t look alike or hang out even.
  16. Her chair at work really sucks
  17. This bus smells like vomit and wet coats
  18. She’s trying to figure out if she can afford a higher-end frozen dinner tonight
  19. Her cat had a bad attitude this morning and the whole day has been permanently soured
  20. She is an independent being with her own interior life that does not in any way involve you or your thoughts about her appearance
  21. She has PMS and her BFF called her out on it and I mean, rude
  22. She thought the granola she’s been eating was low carb and it’s actually Full Carb
  23. She’s bi but she only stoops to man-banging when she’s ovulating, and she IS ovulating right now, but you’re not hot enough for her
  24. She hasn’t had tacos in a while; or she has but isn’t currently eating a taco
  25. She got into her first and second choice schools but NOT her safety school, what the fuck is that, Loyola?
  26. You’re clearly a huge ding dong
  27. There is literally no reason to smile at this moment
  28. You seem like the kind of guy who will want to talk about your feelings too much and she really can’t waste the time on emotional labor right now as she’s working on a book of humorous essays which will make her VERY famous and important
  29. Someone asked her if she watches Game of Thrones and she lied about it and then had to talk about dragon bullshit for twenty minutes
  30. You’re carrying a ukulele
  31. She saw a cute dog and then the owner wouldn’t let her pet the dog
  32. Tampons are expensive and she’s a hard bleeder
  33. She never became an astronaut or a marine biologist, her two dream careers in 5th grade
  34. Her dog barks too much
  35. She has a headache from your Axe body spray
  36. Her favorite succulent died from over-watering
  37. She can’t make a decent omelet and it’s killing her
  38. Her dad keeps calling and asking for help with his computer
  39. Her allergy tests came back and she can’t eat anything anymore
  40. Her ex boyfriend put her down as a reference for apartments as “former landlord”
  41. Her boss is literally an infant
  42. She almost quit her job today but then didn’t because she’s responsible but damn, she should have quit today.
  43. She has water in her ear and it’s driving her crazy
  44. She missed the last episode of her favorite show last night and it’s already been spoiled six times since she woke up this morning
  45. She has no jaw
  46. She just bought a really expensive gift for her least-favorite cousin’s wedding and she’s pissed about it
  47. Her mom called today
  48. She’s from a different part of the multiverse where strange men never talk to women without explicit permission
  49. She is a ghost
  50. She doesn’t feel like it

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