Bad news I vaguely remember from news stories:

  • Cough syrup gives you Alzheimer’s
  • Dogs don’t like hugs
  • Cats give you schizophrenia germs
  • Fracking makes your tap water go on fire and also earthquakes
  • The ocean is going to fill up with jellyfish and all other fish will die
  • Jellyfish aside there will be no fish left in 20 years
  • The coral is already all dead
  • The bees are all dead
  • The rainforests are all dead
  • Prince is dead
  • David Bowie is dead
  • Peanut butter causes allergies
  • Vaccines cause autism
  • Cured meats are literal poison
  • Trans fats are in everything and will kill you
  • Corn is in everything and will kill you
  • Sugar is in everything and will kill you
  • Gluten is in everything and will kill you
  • Sitting will kill you and you do it all day
  • Exercising the wrong way will also kill you
  • People like Taylor Swift for some reason
  • The Rise of the Machines is happening very soon
  • We are almost out of clean air
  • We are definitely almost out of clean water
  • The clean water that’s left is owned by companies who are Evil
  • Everything you’ve ever thrown away is choking a dolphin right now
  • By 2025 there won’t be any more white men left
  • Christ is going to bring about the End Times out of sheer spite
  • Donald Trump is going to become President forever and we’re all going to die

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