Filed under writing

Social Media Delete-ia

Social Media Delete-ia

The only time I find out I’ve unintentionally started shit is when someone bothers to say something. “Hey, Catherine, I know we haven’t talked in a while, but…I noticed you deleted me from [Facebook/Instagram/Twitter/SnapChat/Words With Friends]. Did I do something? Is everything ok?” To save us all some time, yes, everything’s fine. You’re fine. You’re … Continue reading

Don’t Tell Me It’s Going To Be OK

Don’t Tell Me It’s Going To Be OK

Every day since Election Night, I have woken up, stared at the ceiling and quietly murmured to myself, “Am I dead?” The answer, so far, has been no. But damn it, doesn’t it seem time for a 300+ million person suicide pact, for whatever day the Inauguration is scheduled? I feel like I should at … Continue reading

Truthful Toronto “Alternative” Media Headlines

Truthful Toronto “Alternative” Media Headlines

“The top 400 festivals that will make your cab rides very expensive this summer” “The 48 hottest new restaurants that will close before you realize they aren’t still a Coffee Time” “The top ten coolest construction projects that will ruin your life but will allow investment buyers to make millions” “Hamilton may come to Toronto; … Continue reading

The worst song of every musical I can think of

My Fair Lady – “A Little Bit of Luck” Evita – “Another Suitcase in Another Hall” Jesus Christ Superstar – “Hosanna” Rocky Horror Picture Show – “Eddie” West Side Story – “One Hand, One Heart” The Sound of Music – “The Lonely Goatherd” Hedwig and the Angry Inch – “Freaks” The Music Man – “Shipoopi” … Continue reading

Even more reasons that woman is not smiling:

(See Previously) She ordered her breakfast sandwich with cheddar and they gave her American. Her mother sent a text asking how Snapchat works. She’s brewing a huge shit and is frantically trying to remember where the nearest bathroom with floor-to-ceiling stalls and lots of white noise is located. Same as above but she has realized … Continue reading

A Manual For The Passive Aggressive Host

A Manual For The Passive Aggressive Host

Roll your eyes every time you mention any other houseguest you have ever had. Have a stunningly decorated yet intensely uncomfortable guest room. Set a timer to go off every fifteen minutes, this is how often you should casually mention how terribly expensive it is to live in your (neighborhood, city, country) this is called … Continue reading